[ Irish KC ]
Kansas City Irish Festivals, Music, Pubs, & Events by an Artist in Ireland

You are an attractive woman. You have long curling dark hair that spills on your shoulders as you drive. You know you look good when the sun shines. You don’t know I am behind you.

You enter a pub in Brookside from the car park, and as you walk up the steps from the back patio your hair dances on your white t-shirt. Your small round jean-clad bottom skips smartly along as A Flock of Seagulls blasts out over chicken wings, salad, and beer.

You look for your sister but she is not here. Your sister is always late. You decide you will be late next time. You see a man alone at the bar yet not at the bar. You don’t like him. You don’t have time for people who don’t make their mind up.

He looks at you and makes his mind up. He walks straight over to you as if he was your sister.
-Hey eh can I get you a drink?

You hate your sister.

-No thanks, I’m waiting for somebody
-Well can I eh maybe get you a drink while you’re waiting?

You will not be late the next time you meet your sister; you will not turn up.

-They should be here any moment
-You look like you might like a drink, that’s all, and I’d eh like to get you one because you seem nice
-I am nice
-Well then you deserve a drink, so what would you like?
-A Grape Crush
-Whoah, what’s that then?

You notice his face is huge. Not his head, just his face. From behind he has a normal size head for his body, but from the front he’s all face, a sea of skin with features like lost islands, and capped with a little tuft of hair like a muppet.

-It’s a martini
-Oh, you don’t want a beer then?
-You’re not going to buy me a martini?
-Oh eh no, I will, I eh just was making sure; I want the lady to be happy
-Thank you. I’m Kerry
-Neat. That’s a neat name. What does it mean?
-It’s Irish. What’s your name?

You know he’s done this for so many years and you can’t understand why he’s so bad at it. You think he might be distracted by the music.

-Oh yeah, sorry. I’m eh Charles
-Charles?
-Yep. It’s a king’s name
-What do your friends call you, your highness?
-Charles

You have confused Charles. You can’t take your eyes off his eyes. Because they are so close together and it’s such a long way from them to his ears. And yet he manages the distance with his grin.

-Do you like eighties music?
-No. I mean maybe. I eh don’t know really. Why?
-This is eighties music
-Oh. I see. This is okay, yeah
-I love it
-Did you eh want to sit down and we could maybe get to know a bit about each other?
-I’m waiting for my sister
-Well maybe you could be eh sitting down while you’re waiting, no?
-I prefer to stand
-Kerry
-Yes?
-Kerry, that’s a neat name. I like that
-I didn’t pick it, but thanks
-When your eyes do that they’re just about as pretty as lightning bugs
-Are you serious?
-Don’t you like lightning bugs?
-Not as much as my eyes
-I used to smear a bunch of those little fellas in my belly button. You shoulda seen it light up

What did you do next?

I ran.

I ran so far a way-ay-ay.

And There’s More:
   • The Driving Range
   • Irish Prison Interview with Philo
   • A Chat With The Plain People Of The Midwest
   • Dublin Slanging Match

This entry was posted on Friday, May 23rd, 2008 at 6:37 am and is filed under 1-eolai, Irish Conversations. You can follow responses via my RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.