Irish Prison Interview with Philo
-Tell us Philo, did ya ever actually meet Captain Farrell?
-As I was goin’ over the Cork and Kerry mountains
-The Cork and the Kerry Mountains? Are ya sure it was the mountains of both counties?
-Well, maybe it was just the far famed Kerry mountains
-Just want to get the facts straight Phil, for the story. I hear Captain Farrell was quite the Accountant, Certified even?
-When I met him his money he was counting
-Did you produce your abacus?
-I first produced my pistol
-And then you produced your abacus?
-And I then produced my rapier
-Two hands, very Tarantino-esque. Did you quote him, or John Woo?
-Saying “Stand and deliver”
-I thought that was Adam Ant? Tell me, why did you do that to the bold accountant?
-For he were a bold deceiver
-And yet you were the one with the weapons drawn?
-Musha ring dum a do, dum a da
-Well Phil, how did the daddy-o fall?
-Wack
-How fall the daddy-o?
-Wack
-There’s whiskey, I take it?
-In the jar
-I imagine you took his money?
-I counted out his money
-With your abacus, I presume. Was there much?
-It made a pretty penny
-Did ya share it with the lads?
-I put it in me pocket
-And ya went back over the Kerry mountains for a pint with the lads?
-I took it home to Jenny
-Now there’s a woman I always thought of as a deceiver, bold even
-She sighed and she swore that she never would
-And ya fell for that, a sigh and a swear? Or perhaps she’s one of those women who found God?
-But the devil take the women
-Now why do ya say that?
-For they never can be easy
-Whether they’re easy or whether they’re true, but ah here, stop, give us that whiskey and tell us what happened next
-I went up to my chamber
-For a shower after the mountains?
-All for to take a slumber
-I’d say ya had some sweet dreams what with Farrell’s money and Jenny in your pocket?
-I dreamt of gold and jewels
-You didn’t dream of Jenny?
-And for sure ‘t was no wonder
-Why? Why didn’t you dream of Jenny if you were so enamoured with her?
-But Jenny blew me
-Ah I see, she woke you up?
-Jenny blew me charges
-Oh, and she filled them up with love I’m guessin?
-She filled them up with water
-Then sent for pizza and and a celebratory cowgirl stripogram?
-Then sent for Captain Farrell to be ready for the slaughter
-Ouch! Did he bring his daughter? Or being an accountant I imagine he came up early in the morning?
-just before I rose to travel
-He came alone?
-A band of footmen
-Your abacus any use?
-I first produced me pistol
-Kind of your M.O. isn’t it? Why wouldn’t you think of varying things?
-For she stole away me rapier
-That’s sighing and swearing for ya. Could ya shoot anyone?
-I couldn’t shoot the water
-So no cowgirl stripogram then?
-So a prisoner I was taken
-Well Philo, being a prisoner probably gives you time for reflection; As you know there’s some take delight in the carriages a rolling, and others take delight in the hurling and the bowling; I was wondering what kind of man you are? After these adventures in love and money, What do you take delight in ?
-In the juice of the barley
-A fine and simple pleasure
-And courting pretty fair maids
-Well, in the morning bright and early, I’d suggest, lest they pull a Jenny stunt on ya, but all moot now with you in the Big House and all. Can anyone aid you?
-If anyone can, ‘t is my brother
-In the army?
-If I can find his station in Cork or in Killarney
-You’re not very good on Cork and Kerry geography, are ya? In the unlikely event you ever do find him, what then?
-If he’ll go with me, we’ll go rovin’ through Killkenny
-I like a good rove myself, but families being families can you be sure your brother won’t be a right so and so? Will he not hide your rapier on ya, will he have your abacus handy, what are the chances of him blowing your charges? I mean, will he treat you right?
-I’m sure he’ll treat me better than my own a-sporting Jenny
-In fairness we haven’t heard Jenny’s side, Philo, but at least you seem to be bearing up and not too bitter about it all.
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Eolaí gan Fhéile:
LOL, good stuff
-maca-