Ireland & USA Little Differences # 17: Going Out The In-Door
A woman gave me her trolley at Aldi today. She wouldn’t take the quarter from me.
It occurred to me that so many people could feel happy, special even, if I continued the act and donated my cart to the next shopper, and so on.
It also occurred to me that she was driving much too big a vehicle for the size of her bum. As such, it was probably her fault that islands of ice are seceding from the Arctic.
-Would you like ice with your Greenland? North America said to Europe this unseasonably warm winter, as I quietly pocketed twenty-five cents.
Last winter was colder. Unseasonably colder, in fact. Especially the day the exit-door wouldn’t open, and the enter-door wouldn’t close. Several degrees below freezing, this meant it was cold inside Aldi.
In winter in Kansas City, buildings and buses are heated so much I take off a lot of clothes when I enter. People complained when I took their clothes off, so I just take my own off now.
It means I’m the only one on the bus in a t-shirt, as I sit among hatted, scarved, gloved people, who are padded up in coats that stay buttoned. People laugh at me, but once outside it’s my turn to laugh as they begin shivering and somewhere from the sky a motherly voice booms out, you won’t feel the benefit.
So, such was the cold in Aldi, that last winter for the first time in Kansas City, I got to keep my coat on indoors. Of course I did take my hat off and undo the zips, as I gave the checkout lady 99 cents plus tax for the spuds. It wasn’t that cold.
Apologizing for the doors, she then escorted me out so I wouldn’t hurt myself walking through the same open doorway I’d entered a bare two minutes earlier. If this seems odd to you it’s because you don’t live here.
In the Midwest three minutes past seven is never 7 o’clock, it’s always 7:03; 25 feet away from 75th and Main is not 75th & Main; parties don’t just start at stated times but you’re late if you’re not there at that start time; and as you know, the weather is never warm or cold, it’s 89 or 41 degrees.
And people in the Midwest just don’t leave by the enter-door.
The best part of my experience of course was watching other people hover inside, wanting to leave, but not knowing how to do so because the exit-door was stuck shut. Even though right beside them the enter-doors are open, stuck open even.
In the Midwest rules are rules, and that’s why an escort is necessary to get you to walk the wrong direction through a doorway. ‘Exit’ means exit and ‘Enter’ means enter.
In Ireland however, well, I know what you mean, but hey look, there’s a cormorant.
For me, going out the in-door in Kansas City was like I was a schoolboy standing on a desk for the first time, encouraged by Robin Williams to see the world from a different perspective. And like any good artist I was about to seize the day, until I remembered I’m from Dublin, where state-sponsored bodies were built upon the concept of going out the in-door.
Have A Read Of Some Vaguely Related Stuff:
• Car Bombs
• Having Fun in Ireland and America
• New Dollar Coins
• All kinds of Differences between Ireland and the US
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
Are you sure you really want to come home, Eolaí?
SUV sales in Ireland were up 21% on the previous year in August ‘06.
And remember my pre-The Feathers experience (similar to your doors one) at the Whitewater Shopping Centre.
And, and, and don’t remind me that I not supposed to be reading/writing blogs this week. I needed a break.
You should write a book Eolaí. You’ve got a ton of material for the “man transported to place where he’s like a fish out of water and does loads of comical things that get him in trouble with the locals” type of novel.
Primal, you needed a break from the break you needed?
You know 6 SUVs is a 20% increase from 5. Throw in a spare wheel and I’m sure you’d get to 21%
I know what it’s like at home, really I do. Not just from the eight trips home, but there were already too many SUV’s (didn’t we call them People Carriers?) when I left in ‘99. That said, ’twill be many years, if ever that Ireland catches up with the county I live in - and as for the county next door, that’s just pure science fiction; this county won’t even catch up with that one.
The difference for me is that here I am mostly bemused, because if it gets too odd I can always issue a disclaimer and if it gets worse run home crying, but in Ireland I am mostly angry, with no disclaimers allowed and nowhere to retreat to.
Kav, will you publish it? And how did you know I got into trouble?