A Chat With The Plain People Of The Midwest
Feebly I reach a tired hand up to my desk, where I find several scraps of paper.
And a tape recorder.
Fearful of hearing sentences hurled at me that begin “You said…”, the unhealthy habit of documenting everything piles up around me.
Here, for example, is a conversation I found from last month about the Day of Indigenous Resistance we had just marked with a five-leafed clover:
-We trust you had a fine weekend, one of much fun?
-It was grand thanks, probably too much fun as you say yourself, but tell me, aren’t ya a little late in the asking?
-No. Yesterday was a great national holiday. You had a three-day weekend
-I did? It felt like seven.
-Did you not celebrate Columbus yesterday?
-I did not. I live in Missouri.
-Christopher Columbus. He discovered America.
-You’re sure about that?
-It’s in all the history books
-Even the Hopewellian ones?
-You’re not still claiming the Irish discovered America?
-Well, what was that Brendan fella up to with his boat?
-But if he did, then so did the Vikings
-You don’t go for the Egyptians in a bathtub theory then?
-It would make for a funner celebration
-What happens with Columbus Day then?
-It’s a day of great celebration. A day when everyone is Italian
-Even the dead Indians?
-There’s a big parade in New York. It is so fun
-Sounds so so
-Was the rest of your weekend Irish?
-Is there any other kind?
-Music? Dancing? Drinking?
-All of those. With toilet trips
-And did you go to an Irish establishment?
-Of course; I am a stereotype
-An authentic Irish establishment I hope?
-You know me too well.
-You danced then?
-I did not, I merely watched. There was much dancing to watch
-And did it all make you homesick?
-It did not. There is always much dancing when the Chiefs play
-Did you watch the Chiefs yourself?
-I did not. I do not have a television
-But television and football is an American tradition
-I thought we were all Italian?
See Some Other Conversations, Go On:
• Don’t say you’re not American
• Irish Scenery
• Changing Euros to Dollars in the Midwest
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
