Vegetables in Conversation
Back when I had money and food I painted an Avocado.
A fruit, you say, spotting my first mistake. You’re wrong; my first mistake was painting it.
And anyway according to many recipe websites, an Avocado is a fruit treated as a vegetable. How do you treat your vegetables?
Inspired by Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death I took my paints out.
Well okay I didn’t - they’re always out. It was my intentions that I took out. So to speak. And how are they? Fine thanks.
Tell me though, and I have as much time for Shannon Tweed as the next man, but why would the world need a campy send-up of California?
-I like your painting of the pear.
-I don’t have a painting of a pear.
-Well your painting of the pear-shaped fruit then.
-It’s a vegetable.
-It’s a pear-shaped vegetable?
-Yes. It’s an Avocado.
-An Avocado is a pear.
-It doesn’t taste like a pear.
-It’s an Alligator Pear.
-It doesn’t taste like an alligator.
-It refers to its appearance.
-And yet it’s not alligator-shaped I can’t help but notice.
-But it is alligator skin-like, you will agree?
-If I will agree, why do you ask?
-To find out why you painted it like a pear.
-I painted it like an Avocado.
-Which is also called an Avocado Pear.
-But my painting is not called An Avocado Pear.
-You do know that an Avocado is a fruit and not a vegetable.
-Ah, but it is treated like a vegetable.
-When?
-In conversation.
See other conversations that may make more sense:
• Guns and Americans, and the English
• Prison Interview With Phil Lynott
• Dublin Slanging Match
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
Eolai, I’ve read about that film but haven’t seen it. I love Adrienne Barbeau. It looks fab.
For every 10 avacadoes that I buy, one or two will be just right. Pain in the ass.
The word ‘avocado’ is derived from the Nahuatl word for ‘testicle’. Just so you know.
When are you opening your store again, Eolai? I’ve spent a lot of time trawling through your site and looking at your paintings and have promised myself one them as a Christmas present to myself.
Medbh - yes, technically I’m on strike in the avocado buying department until they sort themselves out - because the last four I bought were each a joke. I ate them of course but I want higher percentages.
TG - I was going to exclaim something rude. Can you guess what it was?
Sam - Ah. As soon as possible. If it drags on much longer then I’ll open it anyway in some guise. The problem is I don’t have anywhere to live, so I don’t have anywhere to paint. I need to finish a lot of paintings that are currently in storage before I can offer them for sale. But if I can’t access them soon then I’ll improvise. Something will happen soon though because I am going doolally being this long away from the painting.
Don’t worry - I’ll shout about, it as is my way. And thanks a million for thinking of them.