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Kansas City Irish Festivals, Music, Pubs, & Events by an Artist in Ireland

NOTE: See Happy New Year in Irish HERE

Merry Christmas

You may think that this is about the little difference between our two nations of ‘Merry Christmas’ being said in the USA compared with ‘Happy Christmas’ being said in Ireland. Well it is. Kind of. And it isn’t.

It’s really more in how we say what we say.

And this is a good time for a Bah Humbug alert. And a Parental Guidance warning: Please note for anybody under the age of twelve reading this, that Santa Claus dies in the second last paragraph.

Anyway, just like the American use of the word ‘fall’ for the season before winter, ‘merry’ came to America with English people who couldn’t tell a robin from a Robin Reliant. And criticising such use is as pointless as it is ignorant, much like making brown soda bread with white flour.

Wishing somebody a Happy Christmas in the middle of America can wreak terrible confusion, all because of a single rogue word. And a happy one at that.

What did you say? you are asked, as if their every birthday had been miserable because nobody had ever wished them a Happy Birthday. Sometimes at this point I simply wish the other party a Happy Birthday, just in case.

Other times you are chastized for being politically correct, which stings you because you are as unpolitically correct a Christian as the next man. Or woman. But mostly you are just corrected, it’s not Happy, it’s Merry, you are told, scolded even, which as it happens leaves neither of you particularly happy. Or merry obviously.

So we’re different. Big deal you say. Big swinging mickey I say. Well okay I don’t say that, but the point is I don’t like Merry. Because it’s a mantra. An empty slogan of obligation. Because its meaning is missing, long wandered off to the land where Have A Nice Day and the Lord’s Prayer wait to be reclaimed.

If you say something, the same thing, over and over again, in the same situation every time, and never say anything else, the words you say find it very hard to retain their original meaning. You become an audio Christmas card. Try Me! Press here and listen to me speak!

But you do the same thing, just using Happy in place of Merry, you protest. A-ha, I don’t, and most Irish people I know don’t. True, most often I tend to say Happy Christmas, but sometimes I say Happy Christmas to ya, for emphasis and the personal touch.

Other times I say Happy Christmas so, as if I were on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise resigning myself to impending happiness being spread all over the galaxy like an STD.

That’s just stupid, you say. Or you would if you were really politically incorrect. Well wait, there’s more.

Remember, I come from a nation where we have a million ways for saying hello - such as How’s She Cuttin’? (Actual meaning: I do hope you’re not having too much difficulty managing to harvest your crops this year) or How’s The Gee? (Actual meaning: I do hope your vagina and all related activities are going smoothly for you, even though you appear to be a man)

So when it comes to Christmas I tend to wish people whatever I think they deserve. I’m judgmental that way. In other words I mean what I say. And I don’t say merry:

  • Have a great Christmas
  • Enjoy your Christmas
  • I hope you have a happy Christmas
  • Hope your Christmas goes great
  • Have a bleedin’ brilliant time
  • I really hope you have a lovely Christmas
  • Go ya boy ya, have a great one
  • Listen I’ll see ya after the hoo-ha, hope it goes well for ya
  • Maybe your family won’t be so mean to you this year

Well that’s not Christmassy I hear you say, as if I ‘ve broken the official colour code for holidays, and used other than red or green.

Who gave holidays in America official colours? Was it those people who name hurricanes? No it wasn’t or then we’d have different colours every year. Oh my, think of the merchandising possibilities if people were forced to buy new everything every year. What are the colours this year honey, Cyrisse and Teal?

Why is it wrong to use other than orange and black for Halloween decorations? Pumpkins might be orange, but they were just convenient replacements for turnips, and turnips are purple and white? And a black sky at night? With light pollution?

And why must Independence Day be celebrated with only red, white and blue? Oh you’re being silly, it’s because of the national flag. Really? Then why is St Patrick’s Day green, with nobody dying rivers luminous orange or drinking pints of milk?

Back to Christmas. The common archaic understanding of the word Merry is that it means “pleasing and delightful”, yet nobody in America has ever wished me to have a pleasing and delightful Christmas. Why not? Wouldn’t that be nice? Unofficial, but nice. And you’d know they mean it.

In modern times Merry means “full of high-spirited gaiety”, and yet nobody has ever wished me to have a gay Christmas. As it happens I imported an obscene amount of Christmas decorations from Henry Street in Dublin some years back and every Christmas Eve dress up my home like Missie Bs anyway.

Going back even further Merry originally meant “short (of time)”, or time is short when you are enjoying yourself. And I think that’s why America really wishes a Merry Christmas to all. Have fun, but be quick about it, and don’t have too much.

Why do whole radio stations exist to play nothing but Christmas music for seventeen weeks before Christmas Day, including The Twelve Days of Christmas, yet even before dessert on the first day of Christmas, everybody is partied out and promptly abandons the next eleven?

Because your daughter has basketball practice in the morning? Because you have an important meeting where you need to ingratiate yourself with somebody you don’t care for? Now that’s Christmassy.

Why, alone of all the celebrations in the year, is Christmas the only one with which we are wished to have a merry time? Why can’t I wish somebody a Merry Birthday? Who makes up these rules? Kansas City’s Hallmark?

Ah, but I am told, you can’t say Happy New Year if you’ve said Happy Christmas - because of the ancient anti-double happiness rule presumably (which unfortunately sounds like it’s against both Chinese takeaways and multiple orgasms). Yes, you can only wish somebody Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

This is rich coming from a country which goes to work the day after Christmas so has no need to go around wishing anybody a Happy New Year before Christmas. Everybody will be seen again in between the two holidays. Who goes around telling people in one convenient slogan to enjoy both Halloween and Thanksgiving?

And what if somebody has a birthday on New Year’s Day? What do you say to them? Do you apologise and tell them you can’t wish them a Happy Birthday because you used up your Happy quota when wishing them a Happy New Year?

Sometimes I tell people to enjoy the holidays. I do this because I come from a country where most everybody takes at least one week off around Christmas. The ‘holidays’ refers to Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, St Stephen’s Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Little Christmas, and all of the twelve days of Christmas without special names.

However when I wish happiness for all those holidays upon people of the Midwest, people who don’t go to mass at Christmas tell me I am being anti-Christian for not using the word “Christmas”. Not because I’m eating myself into oblivion, or bumping off white-bearded fat men, but because I didn’t say a particular word.

So I’ll finish with that word as used by two of the greatest songwriters that Irish blood has given to the world, John Lennon and Shane MacGowan: Happy Christmas (War is Over) and Happy Christmas Me Arse, I’d Rather Be Dead.

Oh yeah, and Santa Claus is dead.

So you’ve ranted; are you Happy now?

See some more of the less celebrated differences between Ireland and the USA

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 19th, 2006 at 4:27 am and is filed under 1-eolai, Holidays, Ireland & USA: Differences. You can follow responses via my RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.