The Best Place To Worship
I’ve been meaning to take a photograph so you’ll believe me.
There’s a church near me - actually there’s tons of them and they follow the Midwest rule of no two churches seeming to be of the same denomination. It’s like a three-dimensional version of that children’s card game where all the cards are face down and you try to remember what’s what as you attempt to turn over pairs. In over seven years in Kansas City all I’ve managed is a pair of Catholic Churches - though one of them had a dancing nun so it may not qualify.
But anyway, there’s a church near me, for which there are signs that proclaim it to be:
Voted The Best Place To Worship In the Southland
What on earth does that mean?
Let’s pretend for a moment it actually makes any sense. When were these votes and who took part? What were the options on the ballot paper? What system did they use to calculate the results - the crude first past the post method, or a more equitable system like the single transferable vote. And did the electorate vote stragetically?
Oh I do like to worship at the Southern 3rd Child of Holy God, honey, but I’m afraid our neighbours are going to vote for the Most Sacred Universal Temple of United Unity so I think I should vote for the First Colonial and Holy Grace of The Nazarene rather than split the vote.
Now I like a worship as much as the next man - think Ooh-Aah-Paul-McGrath’s-Da when I saw Nelson Mandela on Dawson Street, or Boom-boom-boom everybody-say-Jayo-Jay-Oh on the Hill when the Dubs last won the All-Ireland, and of course early Kylie. And since it is my neighbourhood, had anybody asked me the best place to worship in south Kansas City, I would have voted for Big Lots.
Or maybe the car park at the What’s Happen’n bar at Prospect and 85th. Something about railway tracks.
UPDATE: Photo posted
See Also:
• Green Grass for God
• Chippers and Morbid Realism
• She Moved Through The Fair, So She Did
• Irish Dandies Disliked in Kansas
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