[ Irish KC ]
Kansas City Irish Festivals, Music, Pubs, & Events by an Artist in Ireland

I’ve had this great idea.

It will make the world a better place. If you’re up for it, that is - I don’t want to impose anything.

Scenario 1

You’re at a bus-stop, minding your own business, and a stranger comes up to you and begins a conversation. They say something that indicates they have no sense of reality. You could choose to ignore them. Or you could choose to indulge in a little banter for sport.

Or they say something quite offensive, unprovoked and irrelevant. They don’t even tell you who they are, the anonymous nobodies. Again you could ignore them, you could even ignore them by walking away to the next bus-stop if you felt it was necessary.

Or they say something that sounds quite threatening. You could judge it to be not really a threat, and ignore as above. Or you could think that large knife being flashed in your direction is actually quite threatening and is a reason to run away. And if the knife-flasher follows you, you might consider shouting for help, or even calling the police.

Scenario 2

You’re at the same bus-stop. You bump into an old friend. In talking he comes out with some extreme views and language that makes you uncomfortable. He invites you to wrestle naked in the mud with him.

You could tell him politely that you’re uncomfortbale listening to him, and ask him to stop, and then have a conversation you’re both comfortable with. Or you could squirm for a few minutes resolving never to speak with him again. Or you could just go straight to Scenario 1.

Scenario 3

You’re at the bus-stop. Your body language clearly indicates that you’re anti-social, so unsurprisingly nobody talks to you.

But you can’t help but hear some very unpleasant stuff in the loud conversations very near you. You could do nothing. You could turn up the volume on your iPod. You could phone a friend. You could hail a taxi. You could walk for the exercise. You could judge that an interjection by you might be well received and acted on - and if not, well you know you can just revert to Scenario 1.

Or you could just physically assault the offending conversationalists though you’re aware this option is against the law.

Scenario 4

You’re not at a bus-stop. You don’t even like buses. But other people do and they are at bus-stops and they are talking about you.

Some of these people vaguely know who you are. Most are strangers. False claims are being made, about you, your business, your friends, and your county. You are being defamed.

You could gather up witnesses and bring your case of slander to a court. Or you could carry on watching the horse-racing because you don’t think your reputation is any better than being falsely made out. Or you could drive around prowling by bus-stops to see if anybody is talking about you, and then go straight to Scenario 3.

Proposed Solution

Obviously engaging difficult people in discussion, argument or even conversation, isn’t ideal. Neither is ignoring, whether passive or more active. And who wants to go to court when you don’t even want to go to a bus-stop?

So? How about shiny gold merit star-shaped badges proclaiming I Talk Nice worn proudly on your lapel? Think of it. You can walk up to strangers and confidently strike up a conversation with them knowing they won’t abuse you or your mother.

It would be voluntary of course. Those who don’t like the idea can always wear an alternative dark Anything Goes badge - with a bolt of lightning. And when you get to your bus-stop you can decide there and then based on the ratio of Gold Stars to Lightning Bolts whether to even stay at that bus-stop or to move on without having to wait for anyone to speak - either nicely or unreasonably.

And there wouldn’t be any court cases because none of the Gold Star sneetches would choose to be around the Lighning Bolt sneetches long enough to hear any defamation.

And yes although it’s not the intention, it is possible that the bus company might empower their drivers to stop only for Gold Stars, saying the safety and comfort of drivers is paramount if the system of transportation is to be effective.

And it’s not the plan but maybe the company might purchase the right to build better bus-stops and totally enclose them, putting doors and bouncers on them which only Gold Stars and Bono can get past.

But even if that happened, those wearing the Lightning Bolts wouldn’t be treated as criminals. Oh no. No, they would be free to associate together and to form their own bus company and converse in whatever fashion they feel.

Of course those who choose not to wear a badge of either hue wouldn’t be left behind either. No, these satirists would have their own special mini-buses, nipping and imping around the neighbourhoods in a cavalier and freeform manner, with sirens and the word ’satire’ printed backwards across the front.

It would be a new world. A brave new civil world. With the bus service replaced by the civil service.

Need To Know More?

   • The Guardian
   • AFP on Yahoo News
   • The New York Times
   • Michael Arrington
   • Damien Mulley
   • Twenty Major

And of course:
   • O’Reilly’s Radar - the Lessons
   • O’Reilly’s Radar - the Draft
   • O’Reilly’s Radar - the Call

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 12th, 2007 at 6:04 am and is filed under blogs. You can follow responses via my RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.