Balls in Ireland
Ever since my original little difference between Ireland and America of tennis balls, and its many follow-up posts direct from the streets of Kansas City, people have asked me for the latest update from Ireland.
This is it.
It’s 10 months since I returned to Ireland, and bearing in mind that in the same time period in Kansas City I would have found comfortably well over 200 tennis balls, how many do you think I’ve found on the streets of Ireland in that time?
Yep, a big nada.
Despite the visits from Celtic Tigers 1 and 2, people in Ireland would appear to be just not as throwaway with their luminous fuzzy spherical wealth as people in America.
I did actually find two, but they were both ripped almost in half, thereby failing the ball test. And I saw one on the road in Kilbeggan as I was a passenger in a car whizzing by at 97km per hour, but that failed the pickupability test to see if it wasn’t ripped in two.
Brother the Younger found one whilst out cycling one day, and gifted it to Dog-dog who was beside herself with the emotion of been given something she used to be given all the time. But obviously that doesn’t count either, because he is not me and the Kansas City collection was put together by myself with the aid of just the dog.
Dog-dog herself has found a ball here in Dublin, and a perfectly intact one, but it too doesn’t count as it’s not a tennis ball. Dog-dog is assmiliating; she brought home a sliotar.
Unknown to the dog I took one from the Kansas City collection for a swim in the Irish Sea recently - I have big pockets in my big swimming shorts (because I’m a big swimming shorts sort of guy) - and the plan was to walk out of the sea, just like Daniel Craig, or Ursula Andress, whoever, and hand my waiting dog a tennis ball I would have pretended to have found in the sea. And the dog then would have been overcome with nostalgia and happiness.
But a big wave came and pushed that ball right out of my pocket and on its way to Wales.
Technically speaking my Irish collection of tennis balls is therefore a negative number.
So, as far as I can tell, tennis balls still stand as a little, but definite, difference between our great nations.
Other Little Differences Between Ireland and America:
• Turkeyed Out
• End Times
• Pharmaceuticals
• Hosting Tourists
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
Ball or no ball, bring back the dog-dog. The carpet is way too clean!! And the smiles are less…
I still cannot wrap my head around this tennis ball thing. I feel cheated. I have found baseballs but only near baseball fields. I don’t even like tennis but for some reason I’m filled with the envy. I commend your dog on his spectacular find. I would happily forgoe any chance of finding a tennis ball for the rest of my life if it would allow me to find one sliotar. I’m sick of buying them. They are pricey and I’m forced to wait for the postmen to bring them.
Maybe we could work out some sort of animal exchange. I’ll loan you my two dogs who are excellent at finding fleas and misc dead things, you’ll send over the sliotar finding dog…..
Sweetheart, you are wonderful and I adore you and all your hairy splendour, but, with the best will in the world, Ursula Andress you are not.
I used to live behind a tennis court in Dublin, we got loads of tennis balls! When feeling mischievous my bro and I would gather up a load of them, a pair of hurles, and send them back where they came from right in the middle of a game
AnDiOgF - Dog-dog has a pastoral role on the planet, travelling millions of miles to share her smiles. Spread the love.
Joe - Alas my dog is very adept at finding things I don’t want to even think about, and not just the menus from the nearby chippers. Carry on with the KC GAC and in time somebody’s dog in KC will eventually find a sliotar.
PCB - You haven’t seen me sporting a dagger in my swimming shorts, have you?
Rua - You didn’t ever play a game of tennis using hurls instead of racquets? I’d say you were popular at that court anyway.
Erin did a tweet on my KC tennis ball story
Hmmm…
Well, how many tennis courts are there in Ireland and how many in the US? If you play tennis or baseball with it, it’s far more likely that you will lose a ball than if you play handball, etc…where you usually have just the one with you. I would guess that there are more courts in the US = more tennis balls to go astray in the first place. If you play street baseball - some are bound to go into neighbors yards, never to be seen again, or to cause damage - in which case you run, abandoning said tennis ball.
Seems a bit off to equate the net balls (heh heh…sorry) found in KC with being average for all of America. I find quite a few myself, but I am in always sunny California, (we’re a sporty state) and my dog is very keen on T balls, no matter how disgusting the state of them. Technically my dog finds them, not me so much, usually curbside.
I have put way too much thought into this…
Thanks Susan - you can never put too much thought into tennis balls.
I’m sure you’re right that there are more tennis balls per capita in the US than Ireland to be discarded in the first place, but that probably emphasises my point rather than refutes it.
And I should stress that it’s away from courts (and baseball diamonds) that I am talking about finding balls so the dozens that go over court fences are irrelevant.
In fact when you consider that many balls in KC must have disappeared down drains big enough to swallow small children (in contrast with Ireland where drainholes even big enough to swallow a tennis ball are rare) I was likely only ever finding a small percentage of what was lost.
Also, when I was a kid we would have used tennis balls playing football (soccer), rounders, and tennis on the street, and often smacked them around with a hurl too, if only for a dog to chase, so we were probably just as likely to lose them in gardens as Kansas City kids. And with homes in Ireland being more tightly packed on even narrower streets I imagine we might be liable to cause more damage than kids in KC.
If balls from street games in the US do go into neighbours’ gardens never to be seen again well they can’t be the ones I’m finding in plain view on the street.
And yes you’re right - it is wrong to equate KC with all of America because it is different to so much of the US, especially the parts on either coast, though generally I have found it to be fairly representative of much of the middle of the country. So yes I’m guilty of going for the snappier title for the series of differences between Ireland and the US but I think the content of each individual post makes it clear that I’m relating personal experiences in KC.
I like the sound of your dog. Thanks again.
Ha! I’ve actually had that pleasure already. Unfortunately the dog and sliotar were mine to begin with.