An Irish Conversation in the American Midwest #23
Telephone Directory
-Hello?
-Hello. This is your local telephone company. This is a courtesy phone call to see if you received our new telephone directory. Press or say “1″ if you did receive our new telephone directory. Press or say “3″ if you did not.
-One
-Thank you. Press or say “1″ if you were satisfied with your delivery. Press or say “3″ if you were not satisfied with your delivery.
-One
-Thank you. Press or say “1″ if your new telephone directory was delivered to the hinge side of the door. Press or say “3″ if your new telephone directory was not delivered to the hinge side of the door.
-Huh?
-I did not hear your answer. Press or say “1″ if your new telephone directory was delivered to the hinge side of the door. Press or say “3″ if your new telephone directory was not delivered to the hinge side of the door.
-Em…
-I did not hear your answer. Press or say “1″ if your new telephone directory was delivered to the hinge side of the door. Press or say “3″ if your new telephone directory was not delivered to the hinge side of the door.
-Well I don’t really know, I never picked it up; it’s still out there on the porch. I’m using the one you gave me four years ago.
-I did not hear your answer. Press or say “1″ if your new telephone directory was delivered to the hinge side of the door. Press or say “3″ if your new telephone directory was not delivered to the hinge side of the door.
-Maybe. It’s not there now. But maybe I kicked it. I don’t want to get anybody into trouble.
-I did not hear your answer. Press or say “1″ if your new telephone directory was delivered to the hinge side of the door. Press or say “3″ if your new telephone directory was not delivered to the hinge side of the door.
-Listen I didn’t have to take your call. Why don’t you give me another option? You can press or say “7″ if the answer is because it never occurred to you that somebody wouldn’t remember exactly where a phonebook was left, assuming they even noticed in the first place. Press or say “8″ if the answer is because another option would push up the cost of delivering each phone book to where it would be more cost-effective if you called people to invite them to pick the books up themselves. Press or say “9″ if you’d just like to listen to Motorhead.
-I did not hear your answer. Press or say “1″ if your new telephone directory was delivered to the hinge side of the door. Press or say “3″ if your new telephone directory was not delivered to the hinge side of the door.
-Three! I think. Three. I think it was the opening side. I’m nearly 100%. Can I say 2.75?
-Thank you for completing our survey. Goodbye.
See Some Other Irish Conversations:
• Leaves Changing Colour
• Don’t Say You’re Not American
• Questions & Answers
• A Kansas City Phone Call to an Irish Mother
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