Some Thoughts on Drinking Tea
As somebody who drinks between typically 50 and 70 cups of tea a day, which means there have also been countless times I have drank over 100 cups in a day, tea is a subject I know a thing or two about.
Now speaking as a serious tea drinker (I drink tea; I’m serious), I don’t think America should convert from its heathen coffee ways, but on the occasions where it does purport to serve tea of the hot variety (as opposed to Iced Tea), here’s a few things it should bear in mind:
1. Tea is made with boiling water. Boil-ing, not recently boiled water. No boiling water and you have no infusion. Tea made with anything less is a misnomer; you may as well lick rainwater off a dead cat.
2. Tea is a specific plant. It is not a herb or a fruit. Infuse anything you like and drink it if it makes you happy, sleepy, or a better person, but that doesn’t make it tea any more than using a steak knife to slice up a frog results in a sirloin.
3. Tea-bags are made for the convenience of dealing with the leaves after the tea is made. When using loose leaves nobody ever herds the leaves into a corner and squeezes them. Squeezing releases colour not flavour. Squeeze my tea-bag and I will sqeeze your mother’s colostomy bag.
4. Tea made with bags does not taste the same as tea made from loose-leaves. Even using the same brand and sub-brand. Try licking a novel by Nora Roberts and telling me paper has no taste.
5. Caffeine is a drug. Take it out and you can taste the difference. Take it out of my tea and I’ll put crack cocaine in your coffee. I’m sure you won’t notice the difference.
6. Slapping a British flag on a tea-pot does not mean the pot pours properly. Before paying for it try it with water. If water spills and/or splashes all over the place, guess what the tea will do.
7. Cream is not milk. Half & Half is not milk; if it was it would be called One. Tea is not coffee.
8. Tea is a social drink. Making tea is a process. Instant tea as a concept makes as much sense as an instant orgasm. If that’s your cup of tea…
And There’s More. It’s Related:
• Don’t Drink Water, Drink Tea Like Me
• Drinking Hot Tea Across America
• Tea: One Of The Things I Miss About Ireland
In Other, Tea-Related, Kansas News
Eileen Roddy, an Irish-born freelance writer formerly based in London for 30 years, moved to Lawrence, Kansas 10 years ago.
In the Lawrence Journal-World Eileen details her difficulties in obtaining a decent cup of tea in the Lawrence area, and we’re talking hot tea here folks.
I like that on the page the article appears there is an advert for something with a large picture of a lightbulb on it. I like this because a lightbulb filled with lukewarm water is what many places in the Kansas City region will bring you along with your tea-bag wrapped in a sachet.
Now while Eileen is still looking for the “perfect pot of well-brewed tea in Kansas” - and she has a better chance of finding the holy grail itself - she has learned to get by with certain establishments learning her needs.
Still, Eileen is looking for your recommendations on good tea and (yuk!) coffee houses in the Lawrence area.
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
I’m a devoted tea drinker as well, Eolai. Going to a cafe is a pain in the ass because they all reek of coffeee (blech) and they never have any lemons.
Yes, I drink my tea with lemon, not milk, and no sugar.
Do they have the “Espresso Royale” chain in KC? It was the only cafe chain in the U.S. that had loose tea and lemons instead of crappy Bigelow tea or the other mediocre brands.
Squeeze my tea-bag and I will squeeze your mother’s colostomy bag. Well done, Eolaí, well done. Killer line!
Not to belittle it, but there’s a TV ad running here now where a young boy snatches food from his sister’s plate and she turns to him menacingly waving cutlery saying touch my food - feel my fork.
Actually, while I think of it: Invest in a TV when you come home - It’ll will be worth it, if only for the ads.
i just don’t order tea any more when we go out. iced, yes, but even that has become problematic, even here in the south. iced tea is meant to be drunk strong, with lemon and sugar.(and mint, if possible). a lot of southerners grew up on “sweet tea”. i am not one of them, and i am still at something of a loss when a server asks me “sweet or unsweet?” worse, the question is not posed at all and i am delivered a glass of something which looks and tastes like karo syrup.
i drink a lot of “hot tea” as well, but usually at home or at a friend’s house. i’m currently addicted to barry’s gold blend; unavailable locally, but obtainable online and from certain sympathetic cork friends.
Primal - I’m all for stabbing siblings with cutlery, but I’m not sure I want to go back to television
Medbh - I’ve no idea on the ‘Espresso Royale’ front. I haven’t noticed any but then I wouldn’t because I never go to such places as revulsion is what I feel once I get a whiff of the smell of coffee.
How do I cope in Kansas City? Over the years I have placed strategic stashes of leaves in different locations, and sometimes kettles, tea-pots, and tea-cosies, as necessary. Other than that I carry my leaves with me.
Considering I’m very fond of someone who perversely drinks instant tea, I think i’ll refrain from stealing your comment on that one…
On the contrary, indeed as the Furey Brothers say, you should steal away. And anyway as Sting says, if you love somebody, set them free.
[via Twitter]
my god - thank you. I can now forward this to anyone who thinks I am a lone tea freak.
[…] you should read these thoughts on drinking tea . […]
[via Twitter]
“Squeeze my tea-bag and I will sqeeze your mother’s colostomy bag”. I like it!