Hoffenpurpenburger Day
-Oh my god, your name is actually Hoffenpurpenburger!
-Yes
-That’s so cool, to be a real Hoffenpurpenburger on Hoffenpurpenburger Day!
-I’m a Hoffenpurpenburger every day.
-But it’s just so cool!
-It’s just my name; haven’t you got a name too?
-Not Hoffenpurpenburger!
-But you have your parents’ name - isn’t that cool?
-My father’s aunt is married to a Hoffenpurpenburger, so I have second cousins who are called Hoffenpurpenburger-Wilson. But that’s not as cool as just a straight Hoffenpurpenburger like you.
-Ouch! Why did you do that?
-Because you’re not wearing purple or orange - it’s traditional on Hoffenpurpenburger Day to kick people, on the behind, who aren’t wearing traditional purple or orange. Why aren’t you wearing any purple or orange?
-It hadn’t occurred to me.
-You can’t kick me; I’m wearing both purple and orange.
-That’s okay, I don’t traditionally kick people.
-How can you be a Hoffenpurpenburger and not wear any traditional purple or orange?
-I don’t know.
-Do you wear anything traditional?
-This bracelet.
-Neat - what does it mean?
-Our parents give it to us when we’re seven, and we wear it on just the one day a year.
-Hoffenpurpenburger Day?
-Well yes.
-Do the strands mean anything?
-Each parent chooses a strand each, and the jeweler weaves them, but they don’t actually mean anything.
-But they must mean something to make your parents choose them, like Eternal Love or the Cycle of Life?
-I think my father picks bracelet strands the way he picks racehorses, and my mother the way she picks wallpaper.
-Is that purple in one of the strands?
-Yes - it’s on my mother’s side.
-Oh, I’m sorry I kicked you - I didn’t realize you were wearing purple.
-It’s okay, neither did I.
-Are you heading to have the traditional Hoffenpurpenburger Lunch now?
-I’ve already eaten.
-Smoked Goat’s Cheese and Purple Peppers, yeah?
-Just beans on toast.
-You don’t like smoked goat’s cheese?
-I don’t know - I never actually had it.
-You’re joking right? How can you be a Hoffenpurpenburger and not have had any smoked goat’s cheese?
-I don’t know.
-You don’t even eat purple peppers?
-Not especially.
-Oh. Do you hate that we eat purple peppers?
-No, I like them, I just don’t eat them that often. I prefer red or yellow.
-Hoffenpurpenburger Day wouldn’t be the same without Purple Peppers. When I was twenty-one I ate eleven purple peppers on a Hoffenpurpenburger Day.
-I like them in a salad.
-I thought you ate them every Sunday with smoked goat’s cheese?
-Sometimes my family would have regular cream cheese, but mostly on Sunday we’d have yogurt and crackers.
-Even on Hoffenpurpenburger Day?
-No, mostly then we have beans on toast. But not always.
-So you don’t eat anything purple on Hoffenpurpenburger Day?
-Beet root - sometimes. If we have stew.
-Why don’t you have smoked goat’s cheese?
-I don’t know - I’ll ask my mother.
-Are you going to the big dance tonight?
-I won’t
-Are you going to tell me now that you don’t do the Hoffen Hoppin Dance?
-Actually I trained as a Hoffen Hoppin Dancer.
-Great, so you must love the Humongous Hoffen Hoppin Dance here in town?
-Well..
-It’s the seventh humongousest Hoffin Hoppin Dance in the world!
-It is humongous.
-You should be in it.
-I don’t Hoffin Hoppin Dance anymore.
-Are you just going to get drunk and celebrate then?
-Not exactly, we don’t drink on Hoffenpurpenburger Day, we drink the next day.
-Why?
-On Hoffenpurpenburger Day we remember the Hoffenpurpenburgers who are no longer with us, and alcholol kinda messes with the process.
-But you get drunk the day after?
-Oh yeah, we’re not against alcohol, it’s just that Hoffenpurpenburger Day is a Day of Abstention.
-But you won’t be able to get any purple beer the day after Hoffenpurpenburger Day.
More Irish conversations
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
You are hilarous, can I marry you?
I’m tied up today, thanks Cynde. I have a few phone calls to make.