Ireland & USA Little Differences #24: Pub Talk
It didn’t take Bob Geldof to let me know that we talk nonsense as a nation.
But unlike in the US we do it in a very ordered way, with definite parameters.
We’ve touched upon this before when talking of the history of an Irish pub but let’s elaborate.
It’s a basic rule of drinking. When you set foot inside a pub, anything goes. And when I say pub I mean anywhere alcohol is consumed.
On alcohol you are allowed to say anything, with any degree of passion, and have anything said back to you in similar or more extreme vein.
And though it may seem to be messing with the space-time continuum, you are allowed to make the most detailed of plans for when you are no longer in the pub - because once actually back in the sober world, everyone knows the plans aren’t plans at all but mere conversation devices to faciliate a social world. Everyone but tourists
This is why I have sold hundreds of paintings in Ireland that I still own. In pubs, at parties, and especially at weddings (because they’re extra-social) I sell tons of paintings. But away from the alcohol it would be very rude of me to even mention these “sales” let alone dare to collect on them.
I like this about Ireland - it’s great for your self-esteem having this little world that you can dip into and be king or queen for a few hours, much like that room on Star Trek where imaginery worlds are rendered on command.
But outside that room if I was to break code and say, hey didn’t you say you wanted to buy one of those paintings? I would get a response like, what would I want with one of those yokes? And that’s just my mother.
So far, so old hat. If you’re Irish.
But in the America I know, I was quite surprised to find there is a similar fantasy world. It was because of how literal the US is that I was surprised. How would it work, I wondered, if you announced you were running for mayor and literal America took you at your word, long after the haze of the alcohol? Surely society couldn’t function? Or else you’d end up with a mayor who thought they were in the middle of a science-fiction swords and sandals affair.
Well, here’s what happens. Pub Talk does occur in America but not in a pub, or even involving alcohol. Pub Talk in America occurs everywhere. Because the rule of positive America outweighs the rule of literal America.
And this is why in America I have sold dozens of paintings to totally sober people, yet I still own the paintings. I have also been offered jobs that never existed, and all kinds of business opportunities that never went further than the initial conversation. Just like in pubs in Ireland, only without any alcohol.
Why? Because so many people would rather dispense good news than acknowledge a less than happy reality. Happy, happy, happy, nothing’s wrong, everything’s wonderful.
Wonderful I ask you? How can every single thing be wonderful? Good news, good news, good news, and a little bit of bad news that I’m going to dress up as good news. Every thing is the greatest, not just Ali. This is the greatest thing of all the things that are all great.
Every holiday is great. Every event is fun. Every meal is wonderful. Even if you make it yourself. Oh that’s wonderful.
And geography. It too is wonderful. Where are you from? Kentucky. Oh that’s wonderful. Ireland. Oh that’s wonderful. A small island republic in the centre of Africa. Oh that’s wonderful.
And jobs and life decisions. Wonderful. What do you do? I’m an accountant. Oh that’s wonderful. I’m in retail. Oh that’s wonderful? I mutilate large people and small animals and then write about it on a website. Oh that’s wonderful.
Once you get the hang of it and realise life in America is just like living permanently in a pub in Ireland, you know to dismiss most of what people tell you.
I do.
See Other Rants Written Whilst Drunk:
• End Times
• Midnight on New Year’s Eve
• An Irish Odyssey in Kansas City
• Talking Temperatures
• It Could Happen To A Bishop
Eolaí gan Fhéile:
It was “wonderful” to meet you last night. Your art is fantastic. If you don’t mind I’m going to add your link to my blog roll.
-V
That’s very kind of ya missus. Thank you.
Last night was enjoyable. More time and a little less harsh acoustics would have been nice too.
Blogroll updates all around, I feel.
We had houseguests not long ago from Michigan and the guy used nothing but superlatives the entire visit. Everything was “terrific,” “fantastic,” “excellent,” and “super.” It drove me to fucking drink. Finally, Mr. M called him on it (politely) and the guy was completely flummoxed. He didn’t get why we were disturbed by his inflated enthusiasms. Fucking exhausting.
To the right (and a little above) I see Last Paintings Sold. Typo?
I feel your pain, Eolaí. In the last week alone I have been given four contracts. All soberly made. None in a pub. Ireland is surely catching up on the US.
Crap, I’m one of those totally literal persons! Oh god, did I say I wanted to buy a painting?
Spyder’s blog says you’re moving back to Ireland? And we just met. Ah, such is life.
- Cate
Medbh - it’s definitely a significant cultural difference and a tricky one to broach without sounding mean-spirited. So I try and counter it with pure negativity.
Primal - Typo? No, the power of the written word. Or the e-written word, strictly speaking. Ominous but unsurprising that Ireland would start catching up. I blame the smoking ban. People need to talk nonsense - driving them out of the pubs is driving nonsense out there too.
Oiseau - assuming all goes to the unconfirmed plan, as the day gets nearer it’s more apparent that there is much not great about the timing of the move. You said you wanted to pose for a painting.
You sound like a fortune cookie.
Ah yes, now I remember. Something about how I wanted to be immortalized in bright colors. It must have been that second beer talking.
I recall on a message board for a local (Kansas City) music performer, one the performer reads, saying that his show was less good than usual. There was one particular person on the message board who got on me for being negative. Never mind that I said it was still a great show.
That person obviously lives by that rule of being positive. Though imperfectly, since he’s perfectly willing to insult me for not living by his code.
The reason I posted what I did was because I felt if I didn’t say it, then my compliments in other posts about other shows meant nothing. If I’m not free to be honest, the praise means nothing. Praise is meaningful when it comes out of honesty.
Thankfully, the performer himself was not at all bothered by what I said.
So, I guess I’m not a normal American. For me, being honest comes ahead of being positive. And I know people appreciate compliments when they know those positive words are honest opinions.